


P&P Fridays: The Epic Tales of Precincts and Policemen!

by Ivyzord



Category: Disco Elysium (Video Game)
Genre: D&D, Friendship, Funny, Gen, I hope, Tabletop games, just guys being dudes, skills
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:54:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25082692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ivyzord/pseuds/Ivyzord
Summary: Precinct 41 gets ready to play a Game of WIRRÂL, an i-game equivalent of  D&D.Harry is the GM and has to go through everyone's character sheets.Inspired by a sketch of the guys playing D&D made by: Sunny II Some Kind of Artist and the discord conversations.
Relationships: Harry Du Bois & Kim Kitsuragi, Harry Du Bois & Precinct 41, Precinct 41
Comments: 3
Kudos: 15





	P&P Fridays: The Epic Tales of Precincts and Policemen!

**Author's Note:**

> The classes are based on the ones from the WIRRÂL book, from the game.  
> I'm writing every race if someone needs it. They go more-or-less as follows:
> 
> Welkin- Elf  
> Dweorgr- Dwarf  
> Humans -Guess  
> Ferie folk- Fairies  
> Pygmie - Gnomes of Halflings.

BOARD GAME WIRRÂL BOX- It’s so exciting! An adventure awaits! A new world is opening before you. Endless possibilities lay ahead. You have read the booklet through and through. You have studied the maps. You are ready to be the Game Master!

AUTHORITY – There is a power in that name. I like it! Soon they will be at your mercy!

ESPRIT DE CORPS – It will be good for you. Something to do with your brethren that does not require getting yourself trashed.

  
DRAMA – This will be an absolutely epic tale, my liege. Just relax and let me shine.

VISUAL CALCULUS – And I won't let you get lost in this brave new world. I’ll keep track of everyone's position.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT – A boring ass game, for binos, where you sit for hours and hours...

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - For the record I agree. It’s not something I could ever get behind.

PERCEPTION - There is a half-naked welkin lady on the cover of the booklet.

ELECTRO-CHEMISTRY - Now She... I could get behind...

VOLITION - Take it easy, it’s just a drawing.

CONCEPTUALIZATION - Not a very good one.

VISUAL CALCULUS - The proportions are all off...

VOLITION – Focus. People are waiting to show you their character sheets.

Before you head off into the fantastical unknown, you have to gather a team.

It’s morning at the 41'st precinct and your colleagues have gathered around your desk. They are holding pieces of paper and they are waiting for you to pass judgment. Are they ready for your game tomorrow?

KIM KITSURAGI- He gives you the neatly filled in card.

CONCEPTUALIZATION - The backstory is a bit bland.

LOGIC - But it’s not the focus here. Look at that perfectly placed statistics. Such useful skills he have chosen. Everything is balanced to perfection. This makes me happy.

EMPATHY - He is proud of making this card but also a bit ashamed of being proud of such trivial thing.

ESPRIT DE CORPS – A tired lieutenant is staying up late again This time he is not going over his notes or writing a report. He smokes his daily cigarette over a book filled with fantastic creatures and complex charts. If he is going to do this, he wants to do it right.

He spends an embarrassing amount of time choosing if he want’s to play as a Human or a Ferie. The latter ones have wings.

He finally decides on a human wizard. For many reasons. He’ll have to wait for level 4 to get the flying spell, but that’s alright. He’s always been patient.

YOU - “A Wizard, Kim! Not what I expected you to pick, but this looks good."

KIM KITSURAGI - “I thought it would be useful.”

YOU - “That’s a neatly filled card. I see nothing to correct. This will do fine.”

DRAMA - Don’t be fooled by his stoic posture, sire. He’s hiding his enthusiasm well but he’s excited.

JUDIT MINOT - She passes your desk carrying a coffee and trying to stifle a yawn.

YOU – "Judit! You're still sure you don’t want to join us on an epic adventure? It could be fun!”

JUDIT MINOT - She smiles at you with sympathy “Oh, no I couldn’t. I wouldn’t know where to start. Besides, I’ll be busy this weekend"

SAVOIR FAIRE- She probably thinks you’re a bunch of dorks.

EMPATHY - No, she doesn't. She thinks that’s cool that you’re spending time with your friends in a non-destructive way. She might join you sometime but not today.

JEAN VICQUEMARE - He is next officer to enter the room. He’s walking fast past you shaking his head slightly.

AUTHORITY - He, on the other hand, definitely thinks that you are a bunch of dorks. To put it mildly.

CHESTER MCLAINE - His card is next. He hands it to you with an abundance of confidence.

CHESTER’S CARD - … You quickly learn that the confidence is unearned.

LOGIC - This is ridiculous …I give up.

COMPOSURE - It’s alright. Start from the top.

RHETORIC - Try to not be too harsh.

YOU – Take a deep breath. “Ok, first of all, we start as first level characters.”

CHESTER MCLAINE – “Yeah, I know. What’s the problem?” He _technically_ has a level 1 character, but...

YOU – “The problem is your backstory. You have written that you are already a world famous, high welkin bard-thief that has his own gang, a harem of women and has won the most prestigious tournament in the whole world. You don’t have the skills to possibly do all that. Not to mention that if you already have everything, there is no need for you to go on an adventure.”

CHESTER MCLAINE - “You said my backstory could be anything.” He sounds indignant.

YOU - “Within reason... Anything within reason. Look here.” You point at the card. “You say you are a famous thief, but you didn’t even took 'slight of hand' or 'sneaking' or anything like that.

Also you have written you are suave and sexy while your Charisma is at 2."

CONCEPTUALIZATION - Within the rules of the game it means he is about as appealing as a bag of potatoes.

YOU – “It’s alright. We can spend a few minutes of our lunch to fix this.”

The last card you have to check belongs to Mack.

HALF LIGHT - BE AFRAID!

MACK’S CARD - Torson has invested almost everything into Strength.

His character is not only too stupid to tie his shoes. He is also not agile enough to do it, or perceptive enough to even notice they are untied.

Obviously, he is a Barbarian. A Pygmie Barbarian.

CONCEPTUALIZATION - A Small unmovable dense ball of muscles.

MACK’S CARD – Most of his skill points are allocated to unarmed combat. There are a few points in blunt weapons. It gives you a bit of hope you can make something out of this.

What is written in backstory swiftly takes that hope away.

YOU - “Just come with Chester during lunch, We’ll figure out your skills and such. And your backstory. All it says is ‘A guy who likes to hit things.’

MACK TORSON - “Yeah. Is this wrong?”

YOU - Giving him the card back you say “Yeah, I think you should elaborate a bit.”

MACK TORSON - Takes the card from you and looks at it for a moment. He takes a pen from your desk and scribbles something on it before presenting it back to you.

LOGIC - It was definitely not enough to change it in any meaningful way.

MACK’S CARD- Now it says “A guy who likes to hit things... HARD”

PAIN THRESHOLD - You expected nothing and you’re still disappointed.

HALF-LIGHT - Be ready for anything! There’s no way this is going to go as planned.

VOLITION - Don’t give up.

INLAND EMPIRE – Oh! This is going to be fun!

**Author's Note:**

> I should be doing many other things, but I can't focus on them right now, so I made this. It was quite fun for me. I hope it is for you.


End file.
